Time is on My Side

Time is on My Side.

I have really no idea what that expression means. All I hear is Mick Jagger’s whiny voice from decades past, as I try to “practice what I preach” about living in the present moment. Lately, I’ve been going into overwhelm mode very easily, with a continual complaint that seems to loop around in my brain with the following thoughts:

“I have too much to do.”.

“I don’t have time to_______ (fill in the blank).”

“I’m overwhelmed.”

“There’s not enough time to get everything done.”

And it goes on ad nauseum. Does this sound familiar? I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not alone in feeling this way.

I have two mental images that describe what my struggles with time feel like. The first is the image of an egg carton that holds a dozen eggs. I have 18 eggs, and I’m trying to fit them into the carton. So I keep taking some out and putting others in, but, oh, no, now THESE don’t fit in, where do I make room for them? No matter how many strategies I use to move the eggs around, they will not all fit it. And I can’t squeeze them in because you know what will happen.

The other image is a little more dramatic: When I feel like I’m racing against time to keep up with my to-do list, I get this feeling that I’m in one of those dungeons with moving walls. All four walls are closing in on me (is that even mechanically possible??), and oh my gosh, I’ve got to get all this stuff done before …SPLAT!

So this mind loop, with all these thoughts and images, has pretty much been the prevailing attitude in my head over the past several months.

Sometimes, in order for something to shift, one has to “hit bottom”, as they say in 12 step programs. And the other day, I crashed.

After a good session with my life coach and a good cry with my husband, I realized that all this feeling of overwhelm is simply a habit I’ve learned. It’s where I channel all my nervous energy, and it becomes an excuse not to live fully, not to step powerfully into life.

And, I began to open to the possibility that perhaps this idea that there is not enough time is NOT REAL. It’s a thought that I’ve believed and perpetuated, a groove that’s worn deep in my being.

My friend Jill, a minister from Philadephia, is one of those people who just does everything and seems to get it all done. She works full time and does her ministry work after hours, publishes a newsletter, and leads spiritual study groups. I asked her once how she finds time for it all without being frazzled, and she said, “It’s a spiritual practice. I just tell myself that there is enough time to get all the things done that really need to get done. I just don’t allow the idea that there’s not enough time to enter my mind.”

So yesterday morning, with the Spring Equinox, I prayed and asked Spirit for help around finding a healthier, more positive relationship with time. I asked God to give me the willingness to try something different, to step courageously into a new mindset. And from that clear mind, perhaps some action steps may come clear around how I move through time and the commitments I make.

What came through is that I can try this as a fun experiment. Yes, the “F word.” Fun.

And, just the day before, I was getting a massage, one of the things I’ve found to be an essential part my self-care. I was telling Kellie, my massage therapist, that I was all tense because I’d been feeling overwhelmed, and that I was having a difficult relationship with time. At the end of the session, she touched my feet gently and said, “Okay Jody, time is on your side.”

Somehow, the way she said it, and perhaps the relaxed, receptive place I was in to receive it, made it feel like a mantra given to me by a great sage.

Time is on my side.

So today, I hold it in my consciousness as a practice, as play, as my new experiment. I’m keeping my mantra steadily in my awareness. Even though it still sounds like Mick Jagger.

The moment you enter the Now with your attention, you realize that life is sacred. There is a sacredness to everything you perceive when you are present. The more you live in the Now, the more you sense the simple and profound joy of Being and the sacredness of all life.

~Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks